A Field Report from the Office, by Lars (5-month-old Dachshund, Junior Staff Member).

I should begin with some context. Before me, this museum had Blue. Blue was a rescue of distinguished but unverified heritage who served here for several years and, by all accounts, took the sleeping side of the job extremely seriously. I did not get to meet Blue, but I understand he was very good at it, and I intend to honour his legacy in this regard. These are big paws to fill. I am doing my best.

I arrived with, I will admit, some apprehension. New building. New smells. New humans at unpredictable intervals. I have been told, on multiple occasions this week, that I have been “very brave.” I am five months old and it is an office, but I appreciate the thought.

The first thing I want to say, and I mean this seriously, because apparently it doesn’t get said enough, is that the first face I see every single morning belongs to the cleaner. She was there on my very first day before anyone else had arrived, and she has been there every morning since. She knew immediately what was required: she got down to my level, she had a treat ready, and she made me feel that this was somewhere I might be alright. I have observed that she keeps the whole place running in ways that go quietly unacknowledged. I am acknowledging them now. She has mentioned that she won’t get any work done with me around. I have reviewed this claim and I don’t think it’s entirely fair.

The rest of the week has been instructive. The staff, my person included, are busy in that specific way that comes from caring about something more than is strictly sensible. They drink a great deal of tea and coffee. Everyone seems slightly overworked, which I find admirable when I’m not asleep.

Volunteers move through the office throughout the day, which I have learned is simply how this place works, a constant gentle rotation of people giving their time. This week I met someone who monitors the pest traps (protecting the collection from small creatures; I take this personally and also professionally), someone who does research and very kindly looked after me while my person had to go downstairs, and someone who tends the garden. I had not previously considered that a museum might have a gardener. There is more to this place than I initially assessed.

I must also formally acknowledge the appointment of a Dog Liaison Officer. This position is, I understand, self-created. She could not wait for her usual volunteer shift and came in specially because she felt the timeline was unacceptable. I respect this. The role appears to involve enthusiasm, treats, and a level of commitment to my welfare that I find entirely appropriate.

On Thursday, due to a reorganisation I won’t go into detail about, I was relocated to the director’s office. I have drawn my own conclusions about what this means. I am told the actual director, Pippa, returns next week. I am not concerned. I feel I have established a strong position.

Half term brought a great many small visitors. I was initially hopeful. I have since learned that children, as a category, do not reliably carry treats. This was a significant disappointment and I want it on record.

The collection, I should mention, smells extraordinary. I have not been allowed to investigate it properly. My person has been very firm on this point and I find it unnecessarily restrictive, but I am told this is non-negotiable and that the objects are very old and not for me. I am lodging a formal objection and moving on.

I must also address the carpet situation. There was an incident. Several incidents. My person responded by taking me outside approximately one million times and making me stand on cold pavement while looking at me expectantly. She seemed to feel this would communicate something. I found it baffling. We have agreed to continue working on this.

By Friday I had settled into a routine: help open up, submit to the pavement exercise, return inside, monitor the day from my excellent bed, accept treats from anyone sensible enough to offer them. The museum was busy again. I kept watch. Blue, I think, would have done the same.

I’ll be back next week.

Lars Head of Underdesk Operations (Acting)